Can I Touch It?

It’s no secret that I enjoy car games.  Whether it’s padiddle, cow or even smiling for the traffic cameras, I’m not shy about playing games while driving.  But of all the games that I’ve played, nothing gets people to tilt their heads and go, “What the heck is he doing?” more than the touching game.

Now before you try to figure out how I’m making an X-rated sounding game to PG, let me clarify.

There is this faux highway called Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. LSD for short.  When going northbound, there is a left turn lane exiting at Chicago Ave. that is narrow as a crack on the sidewalk.  Dividing this left turn lane from the oncoming traffic is a sturdy concrete barrier which acts as the median.  And folks, it is this high median that started the touching game.

When exiting onto Chicago Ave from LSD, you have to pull as close to the median as possible lest your right side mirror gets taken out by traffic zooming by from your left.  However, you don’t want to go too close to the median or you’ll scratch up the left side of your car.  It is because of this fancy balancing act that one day while waiting for the turn signal to light, I looked to my left and asked myself, “Can I touch it?”

I’m like my dad.  I like to touch things.  Wait.  Let me clarify.  When there are objects around me while I’m idling, I tend to touch and play with them.  Yeah, this is not helping.

Anyways, so there I was waiting for the light to turn green and bored out of my mind when I noticed the median.  I still had another 30 seconds to burn and my car was close enough to the median that I could touch it.  Could, but can I actually touch it?  And so, I put my left arm outside the window and leaned over.  Almost.  Just about.  And no.  Alas, I was just an inch too short.  (TWSS)

As disappointing as it was, I knew I had another chance.  This particular left turn isn’t foreign to me.  I take it often due to work.  So having another chance to touch the median made me look forward the next time I had to drive.

Almost, just a little more…nothing!

Dang it!  I’m too far away!

Close, but no cigars.

Eff!  Why can’t I touch it?

I’m so close!

Finally, 9 months later after my first attempt, I pulled up to the left turn lane.  I placed my left arm outside my window and leaned over.  As I inched to the median, I couldn’t help thinking in my mind, “Don’t tell me I’m just short again.”  And with one quick jerk, while still sitting in my car, I leaned over and, “I DID IT!”

I finally touched the median!  9 months of failed attempts, I was able to touch the median.  9 months of drivers in front and behind me wondering what the heck am I doing, I was finally able to touch it.

After finally being able to touch the median, it didn’t stop me from trying to touch it again and again.  For the most part, I have been successful in the touching car game.  However, every so often, I just miss the mark and it does get embarrassing as the drivers behind me tilt their head questioning my actions.

What can I say?  I’m easily amused by made up car games.

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