Cupcakes & Making Out

A couple weeks ago, I went to a Spitalfield concert. Seeing how I’m still building a network in Chicago, I went to the concert alone. In the back of my mind, I was hoping to meet someone…just anyone…a guy, a girl, a celebrity? Just to have enough guts to talk to someone would be a mission well accomplished. As socially outgoing I am, I still suffer from my old introvert habits. That being said, my goal was out there; but who would I talk to?

Luck has that as I was waiting in line for the doors to open (with a pint in hand), a short girl happens to walk by me (also w/ a pint in hand) and asks me if there are still tickets. I said ‘yes’ and the conversation kinda ended there. Damn! I blew it! But, after she talked to the bouncer, she came back and we started to chat. Chat we did. We chatted all night throughout the concert. Oh, let’s not forget to mention that she passed my three minimal criterias:

1. Shorter than me – CHECK!
2. She’s Caucasian – CHECK!
3. She’s Catholic – CHECK!
4. She said she’ll pray for me because I’m losing my job??? – BINGO!

To make things even more interesting, she’s in IT. How many girls do you know in IT to begin with that likes beer and music? I should probably check her out. Anyways, after we talked through the whole concert, we got a late snack and I walked her home. Yes, you could say that we hit it off. We exchanged numbers (you go pham!) and agreed to meet up later in the week, though not before planning something else for the next day.The next morning, she called me bright and early. I was still in bed and mumbled something her and went back to bed. Sadly, due to rain and conflicts, we did not meet up.

Sunday passed. Monday passed. Tuesday passed (I called her and left her a voice mail). Wednesday passed. Thursday passed. Damn my luck is not good. Luckily, she called Friday night. Turns out she had to work extra late because of the IT blues. Phew! I’m in the clear!

So a week later, I met up with her and her roommate who’s Asian. (DANGER! DANGER!) Thankfully, she was not setting me up with her roommate but instead having her roomie check me out. Apparently, I passed and her roommate stayed in while she and I went to a beer bar and talked again all night.

Then the following night, Holy Saturday, she and I went to Easter vigil together at Queen of All Saints. She hasn’t been to a vigil in a long time, so I thought why not? Well, after the vigil we went back to my place and talked a little more. Then came the awkward silence.

Normally at this point, it is up to the guy to make a move and decide what he wants to do. There are two things a guy would typically do. One, which is the most obvious, is to make a move and make out with the girl. Or two, take her home and either try again next time. I didn’t do either of those. I choose option 3. I told her I was not interested and drove her home.


Girls: At least there’s one less pig.

Yes, it was very apparent that she was interested in me. I say this with confidence because of the cues that she gave me. (1) Anxiously waiting to exchange numbers, only to be ready within seconds when I asked; (2) when someone says, “I never talked to just one person all night before,” it’s usually a sign; and (3) calling at bright and early the next morn to see if we could meet up again…yeah. Anyways, she was interested. However, the whole time I was trying to decide for myself if I was.

Honestly, during Easter vigil I was completely distracted. Well, besides the fact that she was leaning next to me, I couldn’t decide if this was something I want to pursue. I don’t know what I want, but I do know what I don’t want. Unfortunately, this was not something what I wanted. It was very fast paced, a lot of social outings, and not what I’m looking for. I’m very laid back, easy going, love to have fun and enjoy life. Plus, I want to be myself and not be forced to change. I am also in no rush for a relationship or anything like that. I enjoy being single. I would like to meet more people and build up a new network, nothing more right now. The way that things were going between her and I was too fast and just not how I want to develop a relationship. I want to be friends first and not dive in. I want to know the person and then be with her, not vice versa.

So I broke the news to hear and she was well…shocked. I kinda blindsided her and yeah. But honestly, I rather do it early before something does happen. Was I wrong? I don’t think so. One of my close male friends from UofI, a wonderful person and devote Catholic, was shocked that I gave up a make out opportunity. Granted, I was surprised that he of all people said that, but I can understand why he said that seeing that he’s a guy. Then a couple of my female friends said the obvious, “It shows that you’re not a pig or a typical guy.” Well thanks! I’m glad I’m not a pig.

But anyways, my point being in this long blog post is what are you thoughts about this? Would you take or give up an opportunity to make out and have those simple pleasures in life? Was I stupid or not? I’m really curious about your thoughts. Have society focused ourselves to pleasures or do we still have control on our desires, knowing what we want and don’t want? Think about it and reply.


A few of you were wondering if I gave her up or not. I did. Why? Because after our few conversations, I knew that even if something did happen, it’s not what I want in the end. Why toy around with someone when you have no real intentions? I do not understand the point of having a “fling”. I rather be serious with a girl than use her for personal desires. Like I said before, I do not know what I want, but I do know what I do not want. She was something that I did not want. However, we still keep in contact and we are friends.


5 thoughts on “Cupcakes & Making Out

  1. I don’t think its at all silly that you gave it up. However, I think it silly that you gave up on her entirely. Perhaps I was just reading it wrong, but it sounded like she was interested in you as a person–not just an object–and that it might have been ( might still be!) worth a few more pints and some quality conversation. I think we’re on the same page where when I ask “does everything have to lead to making out?” What would she say?

  2. Aw, Pham. You are such a gem. Can you call her up again and tell her all this stuff about being distracted and that you’re not big on rushing things?

    I wouldn’t take makeouts.. not that early on anyhow. 🙂

    (I owe you a call.. i’m getting there. :))

  3. You know I agree with your philosophy as stated in the final paragraph =) I think you did the right thing — I told you about my ex g/f, I met her and we hit it off and we talked all night (first time I’d ever done that) and ended up “making out” in the morning and dating that next day, and in the end she just wasn’t right for me and I ended up having to break up with her because I knew she wasn’t right for me. She was crushed. NOT fun.

    I think it might be a good idea to still be her friend if you are comfortable with that — considering her similarity of interests it could be a good way to build your network.

    Maybe you should just bake her some cupcakes 😉

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