You Think I Would Learned by Now

One would think that after 2 cups of coffee, 1 cup of orange juice and a bottle of water, I would know better to use the bathroom before driving. I mean, I should have learned my lesson right?  Heheh…no.

I had a packed day; everything had to be like clockwork: class, seminar, lunch and then back to work. It all started with my classroom observation. Seeing how teaching is still new to me, I was nervous, stayed up late and aimed to be fully prepared for the observation. I chugged some coffee right before class and I was a go. The class would have been better if I didn’t have as much technical difficulties (oh the irony), but that wasn’t my main worry. Immediately after class I had 30 minutes to get to a seminar before a breakout session I wanted to attend.

As I was speeding on 294, I downed a bottle of water because teaching often leads me thristy. Got there with time to spare, sneaked in and I was set. Just before the speaker went on, we had a nice 5 minute break where I took the opportunity to get some breakfast. Alright, it was more than breakfast; it was free food. Another cup of coffee, some OJ and a piece of cake. Sat through the presentation, got what I wanted and then aimed for lunch with MOswald. That’s then things go interesting.

Did I mention that I don’t like parking garages? In a 2 building 4 & 6 story parking complex, I managed to forget where I parked.  Damn!  Now I should have peed before I left, but it so happened I was walking out with my boss and we were discussing the seminar.  I couldn’t bail.  Besides, it was that bad.  What was bad was that I couldn’t find my car.  I knew it was in the lower level and that’s about it.

I’m glad my car had a clicker because there I was, walking around aimlessly for 25 minutes up and down the aisle trying to find my car.  The nice janitor even tried to help me out (but really, he was thinking “sucks to be you!”).  After 10 minutes of walking down 2 aisle, that’s when it finally hit me.  I had to pee.  As tempting as it was to find a corner, I was paranoid of security cameras.  How would it look that a teacher would get arrested for peeing during school hours?  Alright, back to finding the car.

After my 4th aisle, I heard my car alarm.  It was one more row over.  Damn.  At least I found it.  Now to Chipotle and peeing.   Got there about 5 minutes before Matt did.  Parked and got out of the-OMG-I-GOT-TO-PEE-SO-BAD!  The Starbucks was closer to Chipotle.  Please let me make it.  Please…please…I walked into the door of Starbucks.  Now to locate bathroom.  Sadly, I stood at the entrance trying to locate my target.  This allowed people to stare at me and ask themselves “Is he a fool?  The barista is right to your left.”  Sorry folks, something more important coffee is calling right now.  BINGO!  Found the bathroom.

I took a nice brisk walk to the bathroom among the confused patrons.  Victory was mine until…FOILED!  Someone was in there!  I almost lost it there.  My heart sank and my bladder sank even lower.  Damn!  I abruptly turned around and tried to hide my embarrassment as I attempted to sneak out of Starbucks without looking like a fool.   Oh God I think it’s leaking!!!!

Alright, Chipotle is 50 feet away.  Walk briskly.  Legs tight together.  Stay calm.  Smile and don’t look like you’re in pain.  Breathe…oh fsckin’ forget about it.  I need to pee!  Into the Chipotle I went and straight to the bathroom.  Dear God if there’s someone in there right I’m going to grab someone’s drink and give them a quick refill.

YES!  It’s open.  I’m in heaven!

Sitting at the table waiting for Matt, I had to ask myself.  If I learned my lesson the first time, what would the point be if I can’t have funny blog posts like this to share.  Until next time!  =)

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