What the Aussies Taught Me

Now that I’ve been back home for a few days and jetlag is wearing off, I realized that I come to miss Australia.  The trip pilgrimage was amazing and can’t help but realize a few things that the Aussies taught me:

1. I don’t care what people say, toilets in Australia do not flush backwards.  I checked every damn restroom I could find and flushed every toilet I could.  They just don’t flush backwards.  They just flush down.

2.  Eating kangaroo and crocodile doesn’t make out to all that it seems.  Kangaroo tastes like low quality beef and crocodile tastes like stale chicken.  Now if you want to talk about emu…

3. Food is damn expensive in Australia.  A typical $8 lunch for a decent sized burger, fries and a drink is closer to $20.  Also, there are no free refills.

4. Pop is DELICIOUS.  If you’re outside of the States, soft drinks tastes better than at home.  Why?  Because real sugar is used abroad while back here, corn syrup is the primary ingredient.

5. Kangaroos are adorable.  They are over populated.  Let’s take some off Australia’s hands.

6. You’ll have no worries when there is no problems.

7. In a country that is predominantly white, any foreign visitors can be accidentally viewed as a terrorists.

8. It’s easier for an American to be mistaken for a Candanian than you think.  Surprisely, few Americans visit Australia compared to the rest of the world.

9. SCUBA diving is HARD.  Who knew breathing from your mouth is harder than it appears.

10.  The Ocean is always saltier than you last remembered.

11.  College is actually high school while uni (aka university) is actually college.

12. Crows don’t caw, they baa.

13. Myspace?  What’s that.  It’s all about Facebook.

14. Shrimp is called prawns.

15. Never stay 8′ from the edge of the water.  Never over hang on the water.  Crocs will eat you alive.

16. Manmade beaches are the new wave.

17. The Tasmanian Devil is really a devil.  All it does is run around ALL DAY LONG.

18.  Koalas sleep about 19 hours a day.

19. A baby kangaroo is called Joey.  Just don’t touch Joey.

20. One drop of the deadliest snake’s poison can kill 200 men.

21. Big Aussie Beef Pies.  My life is now complete.

22. Aussies apparently love lasangas.  It’s on most menus.

23. Tim Tams are kit kats on steriods.  Wagon Wheels are Little Debbie snacks laced with pot.  Lamingtons is heaven in a snack.  If only the world knew what they were missing out.

24.  Vegemite is yeast extract.  YUCK!

25. Who needs elevators and escalators when you have Travelators.

26. Target is equilvalent to KMart and the Big W is watered down Walmart.

27. Mates like to pee on stage.  No urinals.  Just troughs.

28. Qantas is the only major airline.  They also have no fatalities ever.  So if you want to know that you’ll be safe when flying, fly Qantas.  If you want to arrive late and miss your connecting flight, fly Qantas.

29. Australia is very protective of their continent.  Just don’t get stuck in quarantine.

30. Australia is awesome.  Come visit!


2 thoughts on “What the Aussies Taught Me

  1. Good on ya mate!

    I was in Australia in the year 2000 and still have not stopped saying “no worries.”

    I also have not stopped eating Vegemite. It’s an acquired taste, sure, but once you acquire it it’s pretty great. The secret is to spread it SUPER thin over buttered toast…I wish I was eating it right now!

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