Reasons why I never watch movies with my mother:
1. she must have all the lights on so she can see the movie screen because if the lights are off, it’s too bright.
2. she insists on having the subtitles on because she claims that the actors speak to fast.
3. five minutes into the movie she turns to ask my dad, “What’s going on?” My dad proceeds to say, “The movie just started, that’s what happened.”
4. mom asks for the movie to be rewind because she missed what just happened. On the rare occasion she’s allowed in the theater, my dad just rolled his eyes and says “Shh!”
5. after an action scene, she bounces up and down in excitement even if it was just two guys throwing fake punches.
6. on a bad joke, she laughs loudly that echoes the room; everyone looks at her as if she’s crazy. On a real punchline, everyone laughs but she’s confused and asks those around her, “What’s so funny?”
7. she requests the movie to be paused because she has to pee. 5 minutes later, she returns only to realize that she forgot to flush.
8. during the slowest part of the movie, she turns and asks what the actors said. Dad, “Didn’t you read the subtitles?” Mom, “No, it was too fast.”
9. as the great epiphany about to occur and everyone figures out what is happening, mom asks loudly, “I don’t get it. What is going on?”
10. no matter how bad the movie is, she insists it’s the best movie of all time.
You may laugh but trust me, it’s very painful in person.