Moutain Dew Not

This is the first April Fools day in a long time that I am not going to pull the prank.  And I don’t just mean any prank; no it’s THE PRANK of the year.  As my dear friends know all so well, I have masterfully pulled off many pranks time and time agian.  Not only was each prank successful, they were all done in style because I have quite high standards for myself.  Needless to say, as a prankster, I’ve had pranks pulled on me and I quite welcome them.

However, this year will be the first year where my masterfully planned prank will not be displayed to its full glory.  Usually, when I scheme up my master pranks, it would evolve over the course of a few weeks or months.  This one in particular was conceived back in the middle of January.  I had it all worked out and had a team of accomplices but like the story of my life, it was not meant to be.  Due to scheduling, I had to scrub this wonderful prank.  To be completely honest, I’m heart broken.  I’ve been looking forward to this for months!  And now it’s nothing but a well conceived but aborted prank.

So what is the prank?  Well, let me tell you.

oswaldThe Victim: MOzzie

MOzzie was a housemate of mine in college.  He & I have had many interesting adventures; from canoeing in Kentucky to scuba diving in Australia.  Heck, he trusts me enough to be in his wedding party.  However, his one weakness, his kryptonite, is the constant addiction to Mountain Dew.  This guy can finish a 24 pack in a week!

So, why not pull a prank and capitalize on his addiction?

The Dew-Team: After coming up with this masterful plan, I knew that I needed a lot of help to pull off this prank.  I needed an accomplice, a look out, a distraction and an engineer.  Thankfully, everyone I needed (except for the distraction) was part of my running group.  KJ as the witty accomplice, Dan D as the lookout (he’s also MOzzie’s housemate), and AAron as the structural engineer.  As for the distraction, MOzzie’s fiance willing signed up upon hearing that she could help pull on prank on her future husband.

The Prank: A wall of empty and full Mountain Dew cans will erected outside of MOzzie’s garage door.  When he leaves for work, he will find a full can of Mountain Dew in his car with a note stating “I’m half full”.  To which, when he opens his garage door, there will be a wall about 5 feet high greeting him.  He cannot drive lest he take down the beautiful green wall.  However, the catch is that not all cans are empty.  Knowing his love for the Dew, he will not risk killing good cans of Dew.  He will have to manually take down the wall one by one.


The Dirty Work: What we needed was lots of empty Mountain Dew cans.  A LOT of empty Mountain Dew cans that are still intact and not crushed.  This is where the fiance and the housemate comes in.  Their job was to collect all the empty cans from the recycling bin over the course of 6 weeks.  The cans are to be kept at the fiance’s place for safe keeping until March 31st when the prank is to be executed.

Meanwhile, I summoned the engineer to figure out how that when we would place and stack the empty cans, it would be structurally sound and secure.  I already know that for ever 3 empty cans stacked, 1 full can would be placed on top to put pressure on the column and avoid it from toppling over.  The tricky part to make sure the cans are perfectly leveled due to the slant of the driveway.  The engineer figured out that by using a piece of 2×4, we can hot glue the first line of cans to peice of wood.  This way, the base is built and one would only need some pennies and a leveler to make sure everything was straight.

Execution: On the night of March 31st, the fiance would deliver the empty cans to the accomplice and I.  She would then keep the victim occupied at his house.  Meanwhile, engineer would start leveling the 2×4 and then assist KJ & I in building the wall of Mountain Dew cans outside his garage.  The lookout will ensure that our execution is not too loud and will make sure that any errands will be ran by him and not the victim.  Additionally, the lookout will forward all clocks in the house by 15 minutes to ensure that the victim will not be late for work the next day.  Once all is done, a text will be sent to the lookout to confirm success.  The fiance will make sure the victim goes to bed and the lookout will check on the wall early in the morning for good measure.

Contingency Plan #1: If there was not enough empty Mountain Dew cans collected, then full cans will be used in its place.

Contingency Plan #2: If execution at night was too risky for exposure, it will be performed early in the morning.  The fiance will ask the victim to meet her for breakfast, thus allowing him extra time to dismantle the wall.


7 thoughts on “Moutain Dew Not

  1. Pingback: Top 10 Posts of 2009 « .:: phampants ::.

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