A Beautiful Mess

No surprise, I’m sitting in a coffee shop again, sipping my coffee, people watching and relaxing.


That’s right, just pause.  Pausing the mess that is my life to sit back and enjoy it.  Odd as it may sound, but it’s true.

One year ago, my life was uprooted and I was thrown into a bleak recursion.  I lost all the love and joy in my life.  Living became a chore, but I trotted on.  Life sucked and I was very confused, unsure what I was to do next.  Sounds familiar?  Doctors call it vicus vita articulus, but it’s more commonly known as the quarterlife crisis.

The more I interact with the Internet (that includes you who’s reading this…that’s right, I see you), the more I realized that we are a complete mess.  We all have issues, problems and are all over the place.  And yet, we all flock to the Internet to find an outlet.

Don’t deny it.  It’s true.  But be happy and joyous about it because it’s a beautiful mess.

I interact grossly with bloggers and YouTubers.  Looking at each one that I personally know, I can’t help but smile and fall further in love with each one of you.  We each have our own mess, but each one is unique and beautiful.

Don’t believe me? Just look at each one of these folks:

Jenn leaves Chicago for LA and is now taking a blogging hiatius.

Doniree and Ashley leaving their respective towns to move to Colorado for a new start.

Erika and her dating escapes.

Karen is trying find a job and applying to grad school while juggling a life of a nanny.

Rachel and Jaime anxiously waiting for their soul mates to return from Iraq.

Erin, Rachel and Kendall dealing with their infertility.

Monica learning to live a new life with a disease.

Liz and Ari trying to find a way to move out and live their own lives.

Ashley dealing with her enormous debt.

We are all in such a mess.  Our lives are in turmoil with no specific direction, goal or endpoint.  We live each day hoping that the next will be better.  We’re all thirsting for an adventure.  For something different; something joyful that would bring a smile to our faces.

We live not because we have to, but because we know that something great is near and coming.  Our lives may be all over the place.  Our future unknown, but we know that something great will come out of all of this.

So today, as I sit in a coffee shop, now on my second cup of coffee, I can’t help but smile.  I am a mess.  I don’t know what is next.  Then again, I don’t want to know.  This time last year I was hoping for something different; an adventure that will turn all things around.  And I did, I had an adventure of a lifetime.  But today, I feel like I’m at the same place as I was last year.  And yet, I know that I’m not.  I may be anxious and curious of what is next for me; waiting for another adventure to start.  Except, I know that my next adventure has already begun and it will become apparent to me in due time.

This pause, it’s not because I want to escape from my mess of my so called life.  This pause is meant for me appreciating the mess of my life.  I love my life and I would not have it any other way.  From the triumphs and the failures, I love it all.  The mess and the successes, this is my life.  Without it, I would not become the person who I am today.  Without it, it would not be my life.

My life is a mess, but it is beautiful.


28 thoughts on “A Beautiful Mess

  1. Awww very well said! Everyone has their own mess to deal with but we will all get through it, no matter how miserable it feels at a specific moment.

    Btw, I totally want to blog in a coffee shop one day! When I get my new laptop, I will totally have to do that. This current one doesn’t have much battery life to last me through even a quarter of a cup!

  2. Loved this post! Sometimes I ask myself what is next in my life… what do I want to do, what do I “want to be,” where do I want to go? Most days I don’t have an answer to the first two (the answer to the last one is always Europe)…it’s hard, this quarter life crisis, but thank goodness for the internet and my virtual army that is battling the same fight!

  3. this is my first visit to your blog, but I just have to say that I think this is a great post! I’m so glad @curiousillusion linked to it! Tomorrow when I am more awake I will be coming back to read more of what you’ve had to say.

  4. I love this post. Life is one big fantastic mess, isn’t it?? And it is SO MUCH FUN. Granted I didn’t feel that way 6 months ago when I wanted to shove my job off of a 70 story building, but letting that go and “escaping” to europe was amazing (which you know!). I love when people ask me what my plan is for Colorado and I’m like I HAVE NO IDEA. I would have freaked out about that 6 months ago but now, I can’t even surprise myself anymore.

    Here’s to this big messy life of ours 😉

  5. This is a fantastic post. I traveled over here via Ari and you seriously took words out of my mouth. I definitely feel like a beautiful mess this year, but like you said it IS beautiful and I can’t wait for the next adventure to begin.

  6. Great post! This is so true not only for those going through a quarterlife crisis. There are so many points of ups and downs and “what am I doing with myself now” moments….we are not alone. Everyone goes through it.
    I’ll share a secret that I discovered through one of my “moments”… It’s better to go out and pursue your life’s next adventure and make it happen instead of waiting for it. If you wait, it may never come, or you may miss out on an even better one!

    P.S. I assume the blog post title is a mention of the Jason Mraz song, Beautiful Mess. Bravo!


  7. While reading this I swear I heard “Let Go” by Frou Frou playing… which is weird since iTunes isn’t open.

    Ah well. There’s beauty in the breakdown 🙂

  8. This is a wonderful post. You took something muddled and turned it into something beautiful. I like that. Focusing on the positive is much better than the negative. It helped make my Monday morning a bit better. 🙂

  9. There are moments, amidst all the mess and confusion, when it gets quiet and clear, even just for an instant, and I know that things will be fine. Maybe not as soon as I want them to be, or packaged as neatly as I had hoped. But, still, okay.

  10. i think that’s what makes this whole blogging thing so spectacular. we all have our own messes… and they are all different, but I think that we all feel that we’re brought together by it, you know?

  11. This is a beautiful post.

    As much as I love planning and being “on top of things,” I think what I love most is the unexpected. We’re too young to have it all figured out right now. We need to start living in the moment and not for the future.

  12. i’m pretty much in love with this post. i know exactly what you mean and where you’ve been and how you feel. i still feel this way most of the time.
    we bloggers really are spectacular. i never had the type of camradrie (totally spelled wrong) before i joined the blogging community. i have excellent friends, but the level of support on here is just something different all together. i think its because people are more willing to go out on a ledge for their “friends” in the blogging community. why is that? i don’t really know. but i savor it.

  13. You said everything I’ve been feeling so PERFECTLY, Pham. Really. I’m floored.

    I’ve never had the kind of friendships IRL that I’ve found in the blogging community, and you really said this eloquently.

  14. this has got to be one of your best posts.

    when we reach that sense of enlightenment, where we’re content with the mess that is our life, I think that means we’re slowly easing our way out of the quarterlife crisis and into the world of adulthood…

  15. Truly an inspiring and encouraging word to all of us twentysomethings trying to figure shit out. I’m glad Erika tweeted it, or I may never have seen it. 🙂

  16. Great one Phampants – appreciating where you’re at right now and taking it all in.

    And just six months later (from the 1 year ago part that you mention at first), we all got to meet up in Chicago!

  17. You’ve caused some pause and reflection as to when I was your age and probably a mess. But back then we didn’t have anything other than distant and noncommunicative friends to even consider the mess we were in. The internet facilitates this awareness. A good thing and a bad thing. I think of Laurel and Hardy “Another fine mess you’ve gotten [us] into.” The internet can also tell you that you are OK, I had to rely on aunts and uncles…..

  18. This post is so touching. I find life becomes a little easier when you stop fighting the mess and start to see the beauty in it. And online we don’t judge each other for the mess, we just sit back and observe and relate. That in itself is kind of beautiful.

  19. I came across your post from Imerika’s tweet, so I’m a newbie. But I totally agree with you–it’s a lot better knowing you aren’t the only one going through the horrible quarterlife crisis. At least I know I’m not the only one.

  20. Pingback: Still love me?

  21. Beautiful post, Pham. And YES, I actually did wave at you when you said “I see you.”

    I think the most important thing I’ve been living lately is setting all of these awesome and great goals, but being ok when plans and priorities change. They will – work towards something huge and awesome or live each day and SEE the world around you, but be excited about new and unexpected. That attitude/philosophy is making all the difference in the world right now for me out here 🙂

  22. I often wonder where I fall on the continuum of Train Wreck and Success.


    I’d put “Beautiful Mess” somewhere in the 2nd quartile. I feel like I reside there, though I wonder if I’m just looking in the mirror and I am really closer to Success.


    Or maybe I just like making scales. I’ve been trying to put some metrics to my life as of late. My inner-nerd is having a bit of a crisis I guess.

  23. Pingback: Top 10 Posts of 2010 « .:: phampants

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