More Cowbell

Cowbell.

Admit it, we all love it.  We can thank SNL, Will Farrell and Christopher Walken for the cowbell craze.  And being a avid runner that I am, and I use those words loosely, there’s just something special about hearing the cowbell while running a race.

Runners today are all about the iPod and running tunes.  Poppy cock!  As a runner, I prefer to run in silence and meditate to the sounds of the natural surroundings; you know, the speeding cars of Lake Shore Drive.  However, there’s just something about the sound of a cowbell that is very…erotic?

Bare with me on this one.  Runners with their pods or bands that line the race course plays encouraging or upbeat music to keep the runner focus and motivated.  Cowbells, on the other hand, makes a loud clanking noise that is, well if anything, more of a come hither, calling sound.  Ever watched the old “Little House on the Prairie” show?  Well, I didn’t, but I always imagined the wife to ring the cowbell to call the men at work in for meals.  Farmers put it on their livestock so the animals follow the herd’s leader.  Cowbells are obviously meant to get people to come forth.

So how do cowbells play a role in the running world?  Well, I’ll tell you this: runners are sexy.  Not only are our legs firm and molded, but our asses are quite firm and a sight to behold.  Our upper bodies flow with our ever long strides as we race down the course, showing the world that “damn, it’s good to be a runner.”  Now that being said, remember how I said that cowbells are used as a calling signal?  Yeah, the spectators know that we’re damn sexy and they want a piece of the runner’s body.  So people ring cowbells to get us to come to them, while us runners have to play the Odysseus and try to avoid the Sirens’ call.

I know this sound a little far fetched, but how then can you explain a spectator banging the cowbell for hours while watching a marathon?  It’s because the spectators want a runner.  Besides, cowbells are LOUD and annoying.  Who in the right mind would be banging a cowbell for encourage for someone running a marathon?  A runner needs motivation and encouragement, not the clanking “come hither” of a cowbell.

That being said, I own 2 cowbells.  Don’t believe me?  Amy didn’t either until I busted them out while ::coughs:: cheering for a 5K this past weekend.  You would think 2 cowbells are better than one, but alas, no hawt lady runners ran towards me.  It must be the lack of a shirt that is one size too small and the missing beard.  Who knows.  But one day, one day you’ll come to me, you sexy lady runners because I know that you people love the sound and you want more cowbell.

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9 thoughts on “More Cowbell

  1. This is the weirdest post you’ve ever written. Also? If I think of your ass the next time I hear a cowbell I’m going to punch your face. No, first I’ll hug you, then I’ll punch you.

  2. My ass really is a sight to behold. I’m glad you pointed out this very important fact about the body of a runner.

    I still can’t believe you had them. Seriously, where do you pick up a cowbell? Home Depot? Lowe’s? Your local feed store?

    • What can I say? Your ass was quite the exotic specimen. And why are you asking where I got the cowbells anyways? Are you trying to lure some runners your way too?

  3. I love that you own a cowbell, two actually. My friend runs marathons and yelled out (while running) when he heard a bell, “I need more cowbell,” and then laughed for a mile.

  4. I have a REAL problem with people who wear ipods while racing. Real problem. I’m talking ripping those buds straight from their ears as I pass them. That’s the only motivation I need.

    And I own 3 cowbells. What does this say about me? Clearly I’m itching for some running bodies to rub against my own. Because my loud and annoying voice alone is simply not enough.

    FYI – this post makes me want to run. This is not what I need given my injury. So, yea, thanks Pham.

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