Fat Depressed Runnerd

That is my 2011 Chicago Marathon confirmation ticket that I received in the mail today.  That is also a very sad & depressed face as I am reminded once again that I can’t run it.

Running was never my life.  But not running has made life bland. It’s interesting that just a simple hobby that I thoroughly enjoyed, could effect me this much.

It was only 2007 when I started to run.  True, my first race was 2006, but that was to redeem my cool teacher status.  It took me 3 years before I called myself a running and here I am four years later, unable to run.

I still have a Chronicles of a Half Marathon from this past spring that I have yet to edit.  The lack of running has waned my enthusiasm to edit the video lest I want to be constantly reminded of my injury.

The truth is that I can run.  It’s just not pretty.  I could run 2 or 3 miles, a simple warm-up in my eyes.  Perhaps I can toss in a 5 if I’m lucky.  But I can’t bring myself to do it.  I don’t want to half ass my run nor do I want the pain to get worse. I just have to sit and wait for nature to do its course.

A collapsing arch isn’t fun.  It’s slow, painful and depressing.  Walking is bad enough, but sleeping is worse.  This constant dull reminder to my dreaming brain that my foot hurts.

I want to run.  I want to run so badly.  If I wasn’t so hard headed, I would be out there running right now.  But I keep on reminding myself no.  No.  Wait until next year where you can start again.  Start a new season, get back into shape and let those minutes drop in your triumphant return.  A return that will probably take two years.

Two years.  I look at the calendar now and realized that I’m almost a year into when this pain started.  When my flat foot decides to be flatter.

Now, I just look at my confirmation ticket and wonder, what if.  Granted the “what if” has an asterisk of being 15 pounds heavier and barely being able to walk up a flight of stairs.

If there is any consolation, I know that my bib is going to good legs & feet: @henjealy.  She’ll run her heart out & make me proud.  She’ll make all the #runnerds proud.

I may be done, but my bib isn’t.

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5 thoughts on “Fat Depressed Runnerd

  1. Oh dear, I am so terribly sorry to hear this. I never realized how serious your injury was. At least your bib gets to go to someone who will make good use of it! And I am glad you are listening to your body, it sucks but future you will thank you.

  2. you can do some excercise without running, just to keep you a minimum in shape and make sure that when you’ll start to run again next year you’ll be able to do it!! don’t get upset…. hope everything will be ok soon!

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