The Absence of Acceptance

Walking back from an aborted run, I weighed less on the thought that this was failed run but more so a preemptive move.  A quarter mile was all it took before I stopped and finally accepted the truth.

It has been months since I accepted any truths before me.  I’ve been shrugging them off and passing them aside, refusing to accept the fact that I am unhappy.

I’ve been unhappy for a long time now.  It’s not just one thing, but all little things put together and created this one vast wisp of dark aura.  It’s nothing that I can’t handle.  Though some of the sad plumes are larger than others, with a little help I can see the blue in the skies and the bright rays of daylight again.  But first, I need to accept that I am sad.

After a quarter mile today, I accepted one of the many truths looming around me.  It’s a recovery year for running. No matter how much I dream to be back running sub 8s and long distances, I know it’s not going to happen this year. I’m far from my best form but I’m progressing a lot quicker than expected.  To which, some rest is never a bad thing.  With a 10 miler & a half marathon approaching in ten days, I must first err on the side of caution.  So a failed run that I would normally see as failure became an aborted run so I can rest my legs for the forthcoming races.  Sadness. Acceptance.  Some happiness.

Knowing that I’m sad and accepting it will hopefully allow me to be happy again soon.  Just accepting that I needed to stop to ready my legs for a race brought some joy in me today.  A joyful anxiety knowing that I will race again soon and do my best.  But that’s just one of the number of unhappy things that has clouded me.

The absence of acceptance has made me more sad that I should be right now.  Surely I can change that around; but first, I need to accept the truths before me.  And one of the truths is that it’s okay to be sad.

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4 thoughts on “The Absence of Acceptance

  1. I know Nerdfighteria has been all over this blog before, but it doesn’t hurt to keep it going:

    “The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get better. Because it will.”

    -John Green

    DFTBA, brother.

  2. admitting the sads is one of the most simultaneously horrifying and freeing things one can do. lots of hugs, dear. you were missed this past weekend. xo.

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