Remember when I posted about writing blog posts in my head? Yeah, I haven’t learn. So here’s a quick brain dump of what’s been going on.
I’ve been in a funk lately. It’s been hard to wake up in the morning. Writing blog posts or making videos don’t even sound remotely fun or enticing. Running seems like a chore versus a joy. I see food as evil things but I can’t stop eating. I need an IV for coffee to keep me functioning each day.
I don’t want to sleep, but I can’t see myself getting out of bed each day. My motivation is waning. The sun should excite me and bring me outside, but all I want is to stay indoors and be a hermit. I need to get out of this funk cuz it’s not fun.
I’m fat. There I said it. I am fat.
Screw you people thinking that I’m a tiny little thing. Just because I’m Asian doesn’t mean I can’t be overweight. 3 weeks ago, I broke 160lbs/72kgs. I haven’t been this heavy since junior year of college! This extra weight disgusts me.
I should be at 145lbs/66kgs, though my ideal weight is at 140lbs/63kgs. Sadly, I’m nowhere near it. I managed to get it down to 156slb/69kgs but this extra weight isn’t sitting pretty on me. It’s not because my face is rounder or the fact that my gut protrudes.
The access fat that I’m carrying around is causing me some health problems. I’m having a hard time breathing when sitting around. Running has taking a huge toil on my speed, form and lungs as I carry the keg around. I’ve been more irritable due to the weight and overall more cynical. I need to lose weight and I need to lose it soon.
Since I started running again, I knew that I wouldn’t be back at my peak form almost 2 years ago. I knew it would take time and I have to be patient. However, after my first few runs back, clocking around 9 minute miles, I am astonished at the muscle memory of my legs. A year off and it’s back at 9. Unfortunately, now I want to bring it back down to 8 minutes if not lower. I know I can do a half at 8 minutes. I want to strive for an 8K at 7:45 or if I’m lucky, 7:30. Alas, that won’t be the case for awhile.
The access weight I’m carrying around isn’t helping my running. The weight is slowing me down, while causing me to pant for unnecessary air. I know my lungs still need to rebuild itself, but my legs seems to be returning to form faster and my lungs can’t keep up. I can’t do more than a straight 5K without stop, gasping for air or feeling fatigue.
I want to be fast again, but more importantly, I want to be truly running again versus tugging along like I am right now.
UnIrish of Me
I could get out of bed on Saturday morning. I wanted to but I couldn’t get myself. The funk was strong this particular morning. The alarm rang at 8 so I could rise and head downtown to film a video about St. Patrick’s Day. And by filming a video, it’s more of me exploiting drunk people for the joy of YouTube.
I’ve been filming on St. Patrick’s Day for the last few years. The videos keeps on getting funnier and the adsense revenue is a big bonus. But yesterday, I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. I’m such a disappointment.
Community > Big Bang Theory
After the triumphant return of Community and a recent Big Bang Theory marathon, it dawned on me that Big Bang isn’t as funny as Community. First off, Big Bang isn’t as funny now as it was in the first couple season. Yes, Penny is a better character now and the female ensemble is very enjoyable. Sheldon is currently more of a self-righteous ass than a smart ass know-it-all when the show started. The jokes of the show have been dumb down with more setups to accommodate the new viewers who would not normally understand nerd jokes.
Whereas Community, it’s just smart comedy; period. If you don’t pay attention, you’ll miss the jokes or the sub jokes. Just like 30 Rock. Big Bang has evolved from a niche nerdy show to a show of the masses. The nerd jokes aren’t funny anymore cuz they are being forced. Whereas Community, I can talk about Annie’s Boobs and those who watch it would know that I’m not being perverted.
P.S. Has anyone else noticed the song humming that each character is doing this season? I wonder what easter egg that will become. Thanks to @leises for pointing that out to me.
Residual Brain Farts
The funk is taking the best of me. I hope I can shake this so I can be better, write more (and better) blog posts, make videos again and overall enjoy life again.
* I hope this would be a one time dump, but who am I kidding? Let’s hope the next time won’t be soon, otherwise we have a problem. *flush*